Renewed my library card today.

Kitteh iz innocent. Was framed by doggo!

That guy loss like he's got at least 500 years of aristocratic breeding and can barely speak without sneering.

I'm retired.

With the mouse.

His name is Robert Galbraith, not JK Rowling.

At 20, when a friend died unexpectedly, my girlfriend told me to focus on the living or she's leaving me.

That is a very messy way to off yourself.

A late capitalism innovation.

Oh great, the toxic parent who ghosted us for two thousand years wanna "talk". No, god. We don't need to talk, YOU need to talk. We've moved on. Go bother someone else.

Dang, girl! Are you the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics? Because I just had a spontaneous process that increased the entropy of the universe.

Heck, I'd take the woman driving over most men driving any day. Never had a woman driving go "Check this out" and then proceed to try reach the vehicle top speed on a narrow street, or go to her car after shooting ten Jägers. Frankly, I suspect a lot of bears could easily be better drivers than some men.

This man is a legend in his own lifetime.

Oooh, but I would watch the heck out of this!

I'll not saying Aldous Huxley predicted this but he got pretty fucking close.