He's already in space, how much higher can he get?!

What movie?

My sister is a cop and she sends me snapchats like this

Meanwhile in Night Vale...

Good house to deter robbers

PURPLE SHIRTED EYE STABBER!

A couple years ago we had a girl in class say "Mr. Davis, what's the hottest planet on Earth?", and we never let her live it down. Later that year someone asked her to homecoming with a sign that said "Erica, you're the hottest planet on Earth. Homecoming?"

Just sleep on your side

Bernie Sanders already looks like the after picture. Dude'll die if we let him be president.

That's actually really cool

It wasn't albatross soup.

On the Road

In addition to the lighter it's always a good idea to keep a pocket knife handy!

*Bears roam the streets carrying machine guns*

Personally I think that's kind of mean, they're already in full swing puberty they don't need someone adding to the awkwardness of their date.

I definitely want stronger action to be taken. However, we can't just torture and kill civilians. Not only is it against the Geneva Convention but that would effectively just make us a bigger terrorist group.

In case anyone's wondering Genesis 4:12 is actually "When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth."
But "This shit is cray" is even better

How much for a castle in New York City?

We all go to that one and live there for a couple thousand years and let Earth heal itself and then we go back to Earth and then we just repeat.

Would you kindly?

Damn, that was pretty good

I like Star Wars AND sports

This would work on me.